1. 14
    Nov

     Despite how I felt over the last two days, this song makes me remember that no matter what, this is a blessing. Sure, I have to change a lot of things in my life, but I can’t forget the fact that Brian and I are to bring up this little person. I can’t be angry- I must be excited! Thankyou Creed for reminding me.

  2. 14
    Nov

    Everything’s a Mess

    I’m in shock. I was only a week late for my period. Even before I was late, I had in the back of my mind the thought of being pregnant. It was in the back of my mind because midterm marks that turned out to be terrible were in the forefront. Once I was a week late, I got worried. I strated to panic. I haven’t been able to focus on my studies for a week now. My friend Hilary urged me to get a pregnancy test to see for sure. My husband brought the First Response home on wednesday night. I stared at it. Stared at the box. for 24 hours. thursday night I decided I would get the courage to use one the next morning. they say the hormone being detected is best detected in the morning due to buildup and less chance of diluting. Friday morning came too soon. I was so nervous I told my husband I didn’t have to pee even though I did. I waited until he was gone. Composed myself. Reluctantly grabbed the first response package. staring at the ground, I walked to the bathroom. I opened the package and began to follow the instructions. Once complete, I was so nervous I couldn’t decide if I wanted to wash my face while waiting or sit there and stare at the digital screen. I chose the latter. I didn’t move. just stared. I watched the little clock flashing. it seemed to take forever, my eyes were becoming dry. then I blinked. when I opened my eyes again, “YES+” was all I saw. I knew it, like I said, it was in the back of my mind from a week prior… but I couldn’t believe it. I was sure I could trick myself into believing it was negative. To be sure my eyes WEREN’T playing tricks, I stormed down to the end of the house @ my sister Ally’s room and woke her up, “Hey. Wake up for a minute. We have serious business to discuss. You need your eyes, so rub them open please”…when she was ready, I literally shoved the test in front of her face. I was hoping she would say “What? NO -? That’s good, right?” But instead she said, “Yes? Yes what? What is this?”… I almost died. I wasn’t the only one seeing the positive remark on that little digital screen. After discussing the situation with her, I proceeded back to my bedroom and called my mom. I asked her how likely it is that the test was wrong and she said she had a gut feeling that I was pregnant. I cried.

    It’s not that I don’t want to be pregnant, but you need to understand: I haven’t been clinically tested for it, but I have a lot of obsessive-compulsive traits, need to be scheduled, ordered, clean, fresh, perfect. I had a plan. School for 3 more years, work for one and try to get pregnant then. Perfect plan. Simple, easy, allows us time to pay down current debts and focus on saving money for emergency situations. This news messes it all up. As a perfectionist, I can’t stand distractions- how the hell am I supposed to do well in my courses now that I have a baby on my mind on top of all of the issues currently going on in the house? At home there are three people out of the eight who refuse to be considerate of the others living there. They do not clean the stove or counters when finished making their messy meals, nor do they put their dishes in the dishwasher. They disrespect my belongings (antique table, couches and coffee table) by placing things on them that do not belong (DOG on couches, spills and mess on coffee table, recycling on antique table) I am at my breaking point… I can’t imagine ever living with these people or any other people for that matter ever again… it’s ridiculous how inconsiderate people are of other’s feelings and belongings! And it doesn’t even matter if I try to approach them to dicuss the situations- they see it as Morgan being a Bully- nagging and bitching and judging and SHE’S out of line…Either hoo. that’s what I am bring this child into… and I don’t want to stress out. Stress isn’t good. Not for me, not for the child. not for the husband. not for the house. But something’s gotta give! I can’t get rid of the child. I can’t quit school this year. I can’t get out of my lease… but it seems I have to try my hardest to ignore the house issues… but it seems impossible- or at least, I can ignore it all I want, but something’s bound to make me blow up!! AaAAaaAAaaahhh! WTFIML!?

avatar_96
My husband Brian and I led a comfortablely poor life, living in a house with 6 other people (and a dog, rabbit, rat, tarantula and hermit crabs) while I attend Univerity and he struggles to find a part time job to supplement his day car income. Stress levels are high for me, with school, chores and other responsibilities- also trying to manage a house with 8 people in it who do not want to take responsibility themselves for cleaning in general let alone after themselves. These stresses have been too much for me, and I am already about to burst- but recent news changes the gameplan... I am pregnant and unhappy. Not a good combination. I have to adjust and we have to change our lifestyle, income and environment inorder to come out on top with this wonderfully unexpected bundle of joy. This blog is to document my day-to-day thoughts about this new adventure. It will tell you about the changes in my body and in our lives. And give me a place to vent and relieve my stress!
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